A Waltz

May 1998, Vancouver. Ages, 22, 23.

Dec 2006. London. Ages 30, 31.

I met with an artist prepping a 'art' short. I am 'helping out' with the lighting. It was nice to meet and talk. I was recommended by a mutual acquaintance. I would not have agreed to light it otherwise. Then I went to JDC to hand over some money. I ended up talking at length with Alex who works there. He's always been very nice and despite seeing him for months, I never had chatted to him until now. He wants to camera assist and shoot films. But he has a pregnant girlfriend and he actually has a second job at Tescos as well as working at JDC full time. He said he envied what I did. I told him it wasn't that great freelance struggling and a few years ago, I would have killed to get his position to learn cameras at JDC. He met the girl of his dreams so...

In the evening I spent an hour and a half deciding on DVD's I was to buy my dad for father's day. I ad picked up two for myself, The End Of The Affair and Days of Heaven. One of which made me want to make films and the other with a personal resonance. In the end I got Before Sunrise and Before Sunset instead. I had watched Before Sunset when it was out a few years ago and I thought it so well done. This film also had personal resonance. About two people who meet after 9 years after having shared a short lived romance. It hadn't occured to me despite how relevant it seemed that I met my ex girlfriend proper after 8 years. That was last summer. I watched it and it made me cry. As I become a far less verbose person now, I will have to quote from the heart and mind of her, these following words came from. Part of an email that I recieved. If she is reading this, forgive me that I am sharing your beautiful and heart rendering words that you have said:

"When you walked through the gallery door, I felt exactly the way I
did when I first heard you speak in class all those years ago. I saw
someone that I wanted to know, in whatever way I could know them. I
felt sorrow for all the lost time, however necessary a seperation may
have been for us to heal and develop as people."



As alone as one can feel, one is lucky enough to have the memory of once feeling not so alone. Connection and happiness is often fleeting yet, continuous in our discourse.

In Shadowlands, Anthony Hopkin's charater says, "we read to feel we are not alone".

I would say the same about films. Which is why I chose, to be part of making them.

"You were for me that night, everything I've always dreamt of in life, but now you're gone...

...But you were much more to me just so you know, I don't care what they say, I know what you meant for me that day, I just want another try , I just want another night, Even if it doesn't seem quite right, you meant for me much more that anyone I've met before... One single night with little... Jessie... Is worth a thousand with anybody, I have no bitterness my sweet, I'll never forget this one night thing, even tomorrow in other arms, my heart will stay yours until I die, let me sing you a waltz..."

Julie Deply in Before Sunset.

I haven't met 'the girl of my dreams'. And if I did, I think working at JDC and Tescos wasn't too bad. Instead of shooting realities for other people and not quite having a satisfactory one yourself. The grass isn't greener, its just different.


- J