Man hole

There is a certainty at times about our lives when we come back from a break away. For me, it was the certainty that I wanted to live in Beijing. On the same week I came back, I came to like, someone I have known for a few months. Sparing the details of this someone and what small things transpired after, I have had a shitty week. Suffice to say that she knows I have taken interest and with that, telling me of her uncertainty. So I left it open.

I am a person who doesn’t hang on to people if they are not mutually interested. I lose interest quickly. Because it’s a waste of energy.

As grounded as I was in mind and heart to be somewhere else, I was suddenly anchored here by having feelings for someone. Being open to someone leaves the capacity of being hurt in such minute ways. It surprises and confuses us. Even more surprising me was that it confused me at a time when I was certain of my priorities. Not that these have diminished in any sense. What I mean is that in times of our own confidence and assurance of ourselves, our goals and desires, one person who you leave yourself open to has the capacity to do some damage. In respect to this person, as far as I can tell, she did not mean to hurt me, but has done so nonetheless.

With some good friends who will ground me with ears, advice and care, I am lucky to have such a family.

Later this week I go to Lodz for the Cinematography festival. She will be there too. In fact, she will be on the same flight. I suspect in this present state or giving up, I will have turned the new page by the time I get to the airport. I don’t stick around.

Poland was an eye opener last year where I fell in love with both the country and a girl. It was a wonderful time. And despite these past few days being a struggle, I know I will make the most out of the trip ahead and not let this anchor drag or hold me down. Life is short and, for the most part given the freedom and opportunity is- what you make it.

Last word about good friends. A joke…

A man falls into a manhole. He calls for help. A Rabbi walks by and gives him a prayer and walks on. The man calls for help once more. This time a priest walks by and throws him the bible and walks on. The man calls for help once again. This time his friend Joe jumps in the hole. The man says, ‘What are you doing down here? Now we’re both stuck!’, and Joe says, ‘Don’t worry, I have been here before, and I know the way out’.

- J

Facebook: Because we don't care

I logged back onto Facebook a few days ago. My original intention was to create a Fuckfacebook site but didn’t get around to it. Maybe I will soon. Instead I logged onto my own and ‘reactivated’ my ‘online personality’. I hate Facebook down to the bone. So I am on there for a week or so just to take make fun of it. I will be posting absurd updates and untrue statements. Apparently the CIA are watching so I will see how far I get with statements about being a terrorist.

But so far, I have just gotten emails from friends welcoming my return. It’s not unlike a religious sect.

I hate it for so many reasons that you can read about online. The best is from an article in the Guardian about a year ago. Look it up.


“does Facebook really connect people? Doesn't it rather disconnect us, since instead of doing something enjoyable such as talking and eating and dancing and drinking with my friends, I am merely sending them little ungrammatical notes and amusing photos in cyberspace, while chained to my desk? A friend of mine recently told me that he had spent a Saturday night at home alone on Facebook, drinking at his desk. What a gloomy image. Far from connecting us, Facebook actually isolates us at our workstations.

Facebook appeals to a kind of vanity and self-importance in us, too. If I put up a flattering picture of myself with a list of my favourite things, I can construct an artificial representation of who I am”

Tom Hodgkinson
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/jan/14/facebook

- J

The Big Smoke

It was still 30c when I left Hong Kong. I forced myself to sleep a little on the plane back as I had to work the same day. The plane landed about 5am and the outside temperature was 5c. I spent the rest of the day on a recee and prep for the shoot, Tidal Barrier and was up for 18hrs.

Just finished shooting the last leg of that film and I will miss it. We have been shooting on and off for 6 months. Especially now that the other feature, Horace has fallen through, in a manner of speaking. It got postponed probably till the new year and they want the DP- whoever they find- to operate. If they don’t get a second camera- I won’t be on it. It’s been a whole year since I got that gig and now it’s just vanished into smoke. I was relieved that It got postponed as now I can go to this year’s Camerimage. Woo hoo. Although it’s costing quite a bit of money I really don’t have- but then, I cannot- not go. To be among Cinematography peers, films, bars, Lodz light and beautiful Polish women, is hard to pass up.

I’ve given up on Horace and am looking for other work. Financially, Horace would have set me up to go to Beijing for 6 months very comfortably.

I’ve stayed good to my word and each morning now practice the little Tai Chi I know. It places my outlook on the day in a good state. Even with a call time of 7.30am, I would awake at 5.30am. I would like to continue the Tai Chi and Tango lessons but with work suddenly pulled out from under me, I don’t have security funds. We’ll see.

These days I am missing someone. An interesting sensation which isn’t that welcome, nonetheless has arrived through the mist, unannounced. Digital pictures from the shoot. More later.

Flora and Tom. Director and Actress.

Me and the Production Manager Joanna

My friend and Art Director, Azahara

My friend and Camera Assistant's Ania and Kendra

- J