Thursday, June 21, 2007

Amorphous and Alien

I read somewhere that we cannot regret as for what we chose we were meant to and who we are is who we were meant to be; we could not have made another choice. I believe this.

Recently I have become a little bored. I think of some people who have 9- 5 jobs and go home and watch soaps and big brother. Every month I get to shoot a little film. I have seen many places on the planet. I have few financial responisbilities and I am single. I find myself wanting so much to be anywhere else but in London. It is not that I don't like London, it is that boredom of going to pubs or restaurants or even a walk along the Thames. It something one knows like how one knows exitement. I meet new people every month yet I am more interested in meeting my old friends and moreover, people in other countries when they are in that country. Most of the people I meet are from other countries but they live in London. I am tired with the tabloid headlines, the insistence of making one toddler kidnapping an epic saga pushing back the massive flooding in China as a footnote along with other major news. I have met some cool people this year. And i don't mean like 'Fonze' cool, I mean interesting and decent. In this society, you can meet many untrustworthy and angry people. I have been lucky enough to encounter a majority of
the other. Yet even this is not enough to satisfy my curiosity for truley new people and situations.

I met someone yesterday. A Chinese woman. She was speaking to me for a few minutes. She said I should not stay in this country and I should broaden my horizons and see more. I quietly mentioned I had been a few places though not mentioning the North America, Southern Europe, India, Palestine, Beijing, Tokyo and Hong Kong and Vancouver. I said that I think I was older than her. She said no way. It transpired that she was born in 1981. I think she thought she was speaking to a 22 year old because of my quietness and youthful look.

A few days ago I said to a Theatre Group i would help them out along with other camera operators on their Asylum Monologues as part of Refugee Week. It is not a paid gig. I thought it was shoo
ting the actual monolgues from acrtors on stage. I got sent the instruction draft yesterday and i read it today (the gig is today) and it involves mostly interviews with the audience and actors and one is supposed to have an assistant. I wasn't aware of all this and wouldn't have agreed to do it. So I pulled out last minute, which i never have done. I wanted to go to a photographic opening from a friend of mine which i originally had planned. I don't want to shoot talking heads; the audience and how what their reaction to the monologues were. I have shot monolgues from actual asylum seekers, i wouldn't find any interest in people reactions to actors speaking the stories of asylum seekers. There's 3 hrs of my life i wasn't getting back. I know it's for a good cause but still. I can think of fewer things more boring to shoot. I probably will dissapoint people who have never even met me but can't please everyone. I am shooting something on Saturday for Medway Council again for a youth event organised as part of Refugee Week.


I can't really explain every facet about what I find oddly monotonous about this discourse despite a different job every month and new people to meet but I do feel the often superficial plateau we live within this city. I endeavour to find meaning in the spaces. I believe this to be a good discourse.



- J


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