Confidence. ‘What is it?’ I sometimes ask myself. I hear it through friends of mine. Few think they have it. And though I come to struggle with it myself, I often subscribe to that well known Nike tag line, ‘Just Do It’.
Confidence is a belief in oneself is it not? One may be confident in one thing and not another. Such as one may be confident in work but not with human relationships or vice versa. They say knowledge is power. I think knowledge is empowerment. For example, when I was growing up I was scared of everything, I was a small child and was bullied at school. In my teens I became ‘cool’ because I was an art student and I wore torn jeans and a plaid shirt! I didn’t have a lot of external confidence in my ability to produce great art as I wasn’t supported by my family. But I persevered to learn more about the world and still do. And it is the struggle to stand to your convictions that gain respect it has to and internally, in the mirror, one gained confidence through the support of peers and through doing and facing fears.
Confidence isn’t often a given, you have to face fears and hurdles and you can become confident through bravery. If you forget about the concept of ‘confidence’ for a while and just do it, you can achieve a leap of faith. Even the leap of anything for the first time, is an achievement of faith. The first step is always inherently the hardest but I think ultimately necessary to being enlightened.
In these difficult times, we have to be bold and go where one hasn’t gone before. Don’t regret and go forth. Life is short and you are now living, don’t waste it.
- J
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Facing the Music
This evening I have a Tango class. I just started up again and should be doing it twice a week now as I feel as I am catching up since I started last October and when I came back to London waited till April to start again.
Over the weekend I did a ‘bootcamp’ of Salsa taught by a Irene Miguel. I had shot her instructional DVD over a year and a half ago and they want to do more. Unfortunately, they aren’t doing so well financially so I suggested that they can pay me in classes and they agreed. I come as a guest and learn the Salsa that she teaches. And she is one amazing dancer and great person.
Taiji level one beginners classes have come to an end and now will be starting level one proper and I guess perfecting the form that we have learned already. Taiji is nothing without correct posture, breathing and attaining the control of ones qi.
All these classes are very related. They all centre on posture, body awareness and left/right weight balance- so closely related you’d think they originated from one source of philosophy. Granted the Irene has also done Taiji and bases some of her philosophies on her Salsa to Taiji. Even still, they can all complement each other while I learn them at the same time.
For some reason, I never took classes in my twenties. Perhaps it was laziness or a lack of money. Nonetheless, in recent years I have been active in engaging with and learning the things I want with little procrastination. With these classes and home studies of languages, I still want to learn two more things I always wanted to- the piano and guitar.
Speaking of music, I am finally going to get my arse in gear and forward my showreel to RSA, Partizan and Agile Films, this week. Agile Films, who I have already done work for when they were tiny, should be okay. In fact, the recruitment officer for them who I spoke to today was the runner on the shoot I did for them. Ironically, the biggie- RSA should be ok since I shot most of David Mullett’s video prior to him getting repp’d by them. Partizan is a sling shot but they do quirky stuff and I do have a chance of working with them. We’ll see. I could have forward my reel a while ago but I just wanted to be ready. I didn’t want to come very fresh, lacking in experience, begging for an opportunity. I wanted to get hired with little question. For years I have been building enough experience to worl for these production companies. I have been biding my time. And although I am a little nervous, I think I am just about ready.
I am aware that in both my action to learn and to forward my showreel were both things I could only have done now despite a small regret I hadn’t done it sooner. Taiji and Tango students are certainly are a bit mature in age so I know I am not ‘late’ in that. In all classes, it will take years to practice any of those disciplines well so before I am 40, which isn’t bad. If I can make a good living shooting decent music videos and some commercials in the meantime, that would be pretty good too.
- J
Over the weekend I did a ‘bootcamp’ of Salsa taught by a Irene Miguel. I had shot her instructional DVD over a year and a half ago and they want to do more. Unfortunately, they aren’t doing so well financially so I suggested that they can pay me in classes and they agreed. I come as a guest and learn the Salsa that she teaches. And she is one amazing dancer and great person.
Taiji level one beginners classes have come to an end and now will be starting level one proper and I guess perfecting the form that we have learned already. Taiji is nothing without correct posture, breathing and attaining the control of ones qi.
All these classes are very related. They all centre on posture, body awareness and left/right weight balance- so closely related you’d think they originated from one source of philosophy. Granted the Irene has also done Taiji and bases some of her philosophies on her Salsa to Taiji. Even still, they can all complement each other while I learn them at the same time.
For some reason, I never took classes in my twenties. Perhaps it was laziness or a lack of money. Nonetheless, in recent years I have been active in engaging with and learning the things I want with little procrastination. With these classes and home studies of languages, I still want to learn two more things I always wanted to- the piano and guitar.
Speaking of music, I am finally going to get my arse in gear and forward my showreel to RSA, Partizan and Agile Films, this week. Agile Films, who I have already done work for when they were tiny, should be okay. In fact, the recruitment officer for them who I spoke to today was the runner on the shoot I did for them. Ironically, the biggie- RSA should be ok since I shot most of David Mullett’s video prior to him getting repp’d by them. Partizan is a sling shot but they do quirky stuff and I do have a chance of working with them. We’ll see. I could have forward my reel a while ago but I just wanted to be ready. I didn’t want to come very fresh, lacking in experience, begging for an opportunity. I wanted to get hired with little question. For years I have been building enough experience to worl for these production companies. I have been biding my time. And although I am a little nervous, I think I am just about ready.
I am aware that in both my action to learn and to forward my showreel were both things I could only have done now despite a small regret I hadn’t done it sooner. Taiji and Tango students are certainly are a bit mature in age so I know I am not ‘late’ in that. In all classes, it will take years to practice any of those disciplines well so before I am 40, which isn’t bad. If I can make a good living shooting decent music videos and some commercials in the meantime, that would be pretty good too.
- J
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Paperwork
Years ago I think in 2002 I went to the May Day protests. It was the year the police closed in a group of people, some tourist even at the crossroads of Regent and Oxford street. I was about 100 yards from where that happened. I was there to video document, not to protest or riot. I shot the riot police standing in a row and was right in front. Everytime there was a little thing thrown or a slight disturbance the riot police, like a wall would barge forward with their shields with force. I got caught in the line a few times and bolted it like everyone else. The clothing store, C&A used to have a little ‘roof’ protruding from it’s store front to around the corner and quite a few people had gotten up there. I thought to get a better view and to avoid more pushing so I went up via the lamp post. There were quite a lot of riot police there and some police on horses. They were pushing the crowd towards Tottenham court road and it was quite rough at times. I recorded groups of people suddenly knocked over by horses and some people who were sitting peacefully, dragged along the road. When the riot police pushed the crown back, we had to get down. They took my video camera- and put it on the ground hard- in the process almost breaking it. I was heavy handily searched and told to ‘fuck off home’.
The next day I went back to Oxford/ Bond street (as I worked there at the time) and everything was back to normal like nothing had happened. Shoppers were going about their lives exactly where just the day before people were dragged and hit by other people with batons and shields. It was quite disconcerting.
I went the year after too. It was a much more festive protest this time. Almost boring. A friend who came with me had intentions to protest and maintained that all police had violent personalities and all had intentions of exacting authority and violence against citizens. I disagreed.
The recent G20 summit was hyped by the media and the police with aims to deter protestors turning up at all. Due to the heavy handedness at which the police had dealt with the May Day protests in the past, there has been an almost equal amount people with video cameras and press at the protests as protestors. The G20 protest, despite being threateningly ‘dangerous’, turned out to mild. There is the current investigation over the death of Ian Tomlinson who after police struck him- without provocation- to the floor- from behind- and later collapse down the street and died. Due to this case, there has been in the past weeks, a look into riot police practice and the unnecessary violence they exact upon an unarmed people.
The Guardian has this article with a number of videos illustrating this, including the one with the late Ian Tomlinson.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/apr/15/g20-protest-police-videos-catalogue
When I get around to it, I will post a short video of the footage I took at the May Day protests I spoke of.
A number of years later I found out my best friend from primary school became a police officer. He was and still is a softly spoken, gentle person. Last time I saw him about 2 years ago, he had said that many people in the force, like, using force- they want to see and be in, some action. My friend said, he hated violence and preferred be doing the paperwork in the office and helping people.
- J
The next day I went back to Oxford/ Bond street (as I worked there at the time) and everything was back to normal like nothing had happened. Shoppers were going about their lives exactly where just the day before people were dragged and hit by other people with batons and shields. It was quite disconcerting.
I went the year after too. It was a much more festive protest this time. Almost boring. A friend who came with me had intentions to protest and maintained that all police had violent personalities and all had intentions of exacting authority and violence against citizens. I disagreed.
The recent G20 summit was hyped by the media and the police with aims to deter protestors turning up at all. Due to the heavy handedness at which the police had dealt with the May Day protests in the past, there has been an almost equal amount people with video cameras and press at the protests as protestors. The G20 protest, despite being threateningly ‘dangerous’, turned out to mild. There is the current investigation over the death of Ian Tomlinson who after police struck him- without provocation- to the floor- from behind- and later collapse down the street and died. Due to this case, there has been in the past weeks, a look into riot police practice and the unnecessary violence they exact upon an unarmed people.
The Guardian has this article with a number of videos illustrating this, including the one with the late Ian Tomlinson.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/apr/15/g20-protest-police-videos-catalogue
When I get around to it, I will post a short video of the footage I took at the May Day protests I spoke of.
A number of years later I found out my best friend from primary school became a police officer. He was and still is a softly spoken, gentle person. Last time I saw him about 2 years ago, he had said that many people in the force, like, using force- they want to see and be in, some action. My friend said, he hated violence and preferred be doing the paperwork in the office and helping people.
- J
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Last Days
I am currently on a small project shooting for architecture firm, Scabal who are putting together a video as a proposal for funding. It is about the late David Medd who was an architect who designed primary schools. I only heard today that he had passed away last week Tuesday and came as a bit of a surprise despite that he was 91, because I only saw him 5 days prior to that.
David Medd designed primary schools with the philosophy regarding teaching practices and social progress. More on this:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/apr/14/david-medd-obituary-architecture-school-buildings
For the shoot, we have been out twice to primary schools that David and his late wife Mary Crowley designed in post war Britain to shoot him talk with the current head teachers there and a contemporary architect about the changes made to the original school. The first time he turned up hours late due to someone elses fault. We were a little worried as we couldn't get hold of him. The second time he had left the premises with his radio mic still attached to him, which was actually, our fault.
At 91, David was still fierce about his ideas regarding primary school design and i respected this will to still express his opinion and make the trip to the school at his age. I didn't know him but I wanted to be an architect when i was younger and I agree with the type of beliefs David argued for as they were in line will philosophies that should be part and parcel of architecure. I am thankful that we shot as much as we did as it's probably the last audio visual document of David.
David Leslie Medd, architect, born 5 November 1917; died 7 April 2009.
- J
David Medd designed primary schools with the philosophy regarding teaching practices and social progress. More on this:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/apr/14/david-medd-obituary-architecture-school-buildings
For the shoot, we have been out twice to primary schools that David and his late wife Mary Crowley designed in post war Britain to shoot him talk with the current head teachers there and a contemporary architect about the changes made to the original school. The first time he turned up hours late due to someone elses fault. We were a little worried as we couldn't get hold of him. The second time he had left the premises with his radio mic still attached to him, which was actually, our fault.
At 91, David was still fierce about his ideas regarding primary school design and i respected this will to still express his opinion and make the trip to the school at his age. I didn't know him but I wanted to be an architect when i was younger and I agree with the type of beliefs David argued for as they were in line will philosophies that should be part and parcel of architecure. I am thankful that we shot as much as we did as it's probably the last audio visual document of David.
David Leslie Medd, architect, born 5 November 1917; died 7 April 2009.
- J
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
"Yes We Can"
The Communist government in Moldova were re elected two days ago and a protest and riot ensued. Protesters ended up storming the parliamentary offices and even police had to be evacuated by priests. Now that's a protest.
Other news of interest, China is reforming it's national health care system establishing a new clinic in 700,000 existing villages and making health care more affordable and accessible. Health care was free under the new Communist government in the first few decades and life expectancy rose dramatically. But since economic reforms in the 80's, China's health care system has been a shambles with millions of poverty stricken people unable to get medical care. It's a pay now get get treatment later system. They aim to complete reforms in three years with a longer plan for 2020. There have been many protest around rural areas aimed at the state of medical care.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/apr/08/china-healthcare-poor
http://www.danwei.org/front_page_of_the_day/medical_reform.php
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-04/07/content_7652264.htm
I tried to look for this article on the BBC website but it could not be found. Then again, it states on the BBC site that China has 'nearly' 4000 years of history. In fact, it has more than 5000 years easy. I guess if you miss a thousand years, you might miss a major story or two...
- J
* "Yes We Can" is from Obama's Primary speech.
Other news of interest, China is reforming it's national health care system establishing a new clinic in 700,000 existing villages and making health care more affordable and accessible. Health care was free under the new Communist government in the first few decades and life expectancy rose dramatically. But since economic reforms in the 80's, China's health care system has been a shambles with millions of poverty stricken people unable to get medical care. It's a pay now get get treatment later system. They aim to complete reforms in three years with a longer plan for 2020. There have been many protest around rural areas aimed at the state of medical care.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/apr/08/china-healthcare-poor
http://www.danwei.org/front_page_of_the_day/medical_reform.php
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-04/07/content_7652264.htm
I tried to look for this article on the BBC website but it could not be found. Then again, it states on the BBC site that China has 'nearly' 4000 years of history. In fact, it has more than 5000 years easy. I guess if you miss a thousand years, you might miss a major story or two...
- J
* "Yes We Can" is from Obama's Primary speech.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
March On
Jan and Feb were boring and a bit depressing so no photos. So here are are a few photos from the month of a fun March...
Music Video for artist African China. Here Steadicam Operator Eric doing his thing with the models. I was holding their coats.
While dropping off the radio mics from Kentish Town on a brilliantly sunny Sunday morning , I came across a drunk man slumped outside Nandos. I adore England.
Travelling to Mansfield near Nottingham on a local train. Figure rich people don't travel on this line (please see 'Robin Hood' for cultural reference).
Middle of the month and help shoot a student short. It was nice for once to work with two beautiful oriental actresses.
Ooh, car crash...
So it was off the plane in Geneva for a corporate and in the car bombing it down to Annecy (France). The iPhone's shiity camera sure takes dreamy picture though. We failed to find a place to eat that late so we had a McDonalds Big Mac. I felt like throwing up after.
The day after i wanted to have a real burger... I was starting to think it was illegal to sell proper burgers in this here town. 
Annecy Hospital, beyond the carpark, the mountains are glorious.
No Plomb at the gas station. Damn, could have done with some Plomb.
A luxury room at Gevena airport. All smoking.
Reporting for Good Morning Poland (TVN)... Not really, just shooting the ex Prime Minister...
- J
Music Video for artist African China. Here Steadicam Operator Eric doing his thing with the models. I was holding their coats.
While dropping off the radio mics from Kentish Town on a brilliantly sunny Sunday morning , I came across a drunk man slumped outside Nandos. I adore England.
Travelling to Mansfield near Nottingham on a local train. Figure rich people don't travel on this line (please see 'Robin Hood' for cultural reference).
Middle of the month and help shoot a student short. It was nice for once to work with two beautiful oriental actresses.
Ooh, car crash...
So it was off the plane in Geneva for a corporate and in the car bombing it down to Annecy (France). The iPhone's shiity camera sure takes dreamy picture though. We failed to find a place to eat that late so we had a McDonalds Big Mac. I felt like throwing up after.
The day after i wanted to have a real burger... I was starting to think it was illegal to sell proper burgers in this here town. 
Annecy Hospital, beyond the carpark, the mountains are glorious.
No Plomb at the gas station. Damn, could have done with some Plomb.
A luxury room at Gevena airport. All smoking.
Reporting for Good Morning Poland (TVN)... Not really, just shooting the ex Prime Minister...- J
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Rolling Stone
Coming to the end of a string of corporates which was fun and lucrative. Also shot a short film where I met an ambitious, possibly talented beautiful Chinese actress. Hmmmm…
On a small note, I was able to update the firmware on my camera and therefore will be able to use these cheap adapters to record more footage on solid state memory- woo hoo. I am also able to afford to now pay off my overdraft, buy a few more bits of kit and even put aside some savings.
Tonight I met some friends of my folks again who are from Shengyang in north east China. They are nice people. I was reminded again of my absolute desire to learn everything Chinese and specifically the Mandarin dialect. I have been invited to learn from them and they learn English from me. I was before but didn’t get around to it. It reminded me of this innate desire above all desires. On the same side, it continually makes me feel a little trapped in this country I have no desire to stay in. But my work is here, and my family reside here, though a predominate of my interests do not. Live where you live, and then move on.
The G20 have disbanded and the protest didn’t amount to much- no surprises there. If I was there to protest, which I declined an offer to, I would probably be trying to raise awareness about the fallacies and evils of Facebook- not trying to blame the banks and not my own debt creation; not trying to push for more cuts in CO2 constraints but trying harder to constrain my own. We cannot change world leaders agendas with a placard- there are ways- but not this way. We can change local politics and local movements, our friends and the circle of people we know. The world is not as it is- it is what we make it- though we have to observe the means and intents in which to do so. If we are so naive as to think we can do so with a march and a placard, we are as responsible for the state of the world as those who run it- if not already. The problems facing humans in the next 100 years is very possibly fatal and it needs the grand idea and action implemented together if we are to prevail as a civilization. Judging by the protests, we may just may be a little too unwise to flourish, but we have the possibility to survive in smaller numbers.
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need…”
- J
On a small note, I was able to update the firmware on my camera and therefore will be able to use these cheap adapters to record more footage on solid state memory- woo hoo. I am also able to afford to now pay off my overdraft, buy a few more bits of kit and even put aside some savings.
Tonight I met some friends of my folks again who are from Shengyang in north east China. They are nice people. I was reminded again of my absolute desire to learn everything Chinese and specifically the Mandarin dialect. I have been invited to learn from them and they learn English from me. I was before but didn’t get around to it. It reminded me of this innate desire above all desires. On the same side, it continually makes me feel a little trapped in this country I have no desire to stay in. But my work is here, and my family reside here, though a predominate of my interests do not. Live where you live, and then move on.
The G20 have disbanded and the protest didn’t amount to much- no surprises there. If I was there to protest, which I declined an offer to, I would probably be trying to raise awareness about the fallacies and evils of Facebook- not trying to blame the banks and not my own debt creation; not trying to push for more cuts in CO2 constraints but trying harder to constrain my own. We cannot change world leaders agendas with a placard- there are ways- but not this way. We can change local politics and local movements, our friends and the circle of people we know. The world is not as it is- it is what we make it- though we have to observe the means and intents in which to do so. If we are so naive as to think we can do so with a march and a placard, we are as responsible for the state of the world as those who run it- if not already. The problems facing humans in the next 100 years is very possibly fatal and it needs the grand idea and action implemented together if we are to prevail as a civilization. Judging by the protests, we may just may be a little too unwise to flourish, but we have the possibility to survive in smaller numbers.
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need…”
- J
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