no one home

I was born in London and I grew up in Soho until I was 3 years old. I have lived in London most of my life. There is that sense of home that I have always had about London. And I do love it. But there are many things I do not like in this country.

I was on Lamma island (off Hong Kong) walking around with my friend Beatrice and we saw some English kids (10 years old) playing football. Apart from actually playing football, they were arguing amongst themselves. The general bad feelings amongst the children was not good. The contrast of just coming from Hong Kong was apparant.

I have been to India, Hong Kong and Palestine (amongst other places). I have never seen the kids fight. They play, they have manners and they beg for money- but they don't fight and they don't maliciously tease each other. In fact, there is mostly good vibes and laughter. I am not saying that they don't, it just doesn't seem the order of business in a day. I am pretty sure the correlation between adults who don't like children is directly related to how kids behave in that country. In those forementioned countries, I am fairly sure that not wanting to have children is heard of, but not liking children- is unheard of.

I find it amusing yet disturbing when kids fight or argue or harass each other and adults say, 'they are being kids'. Jeez, I don't want my kids fighting with other kids like that. 'Kids' are NOT like that- I- Shit- You- Not. Just because in the UK we are used to it, it doesn't make it right and you know, it's not right- it's dead wrong. There is little reason why children cannot be caring or loving (if not more) than adults can be. In many other countries, the big kids, they take care of the the little ones. It's ALL about care, not competition.

I have benefitted from growing up in the most culturally diverse environement and despite wanting the same for my children (if I have any), this country scares me. We can only do so much.

What am I getting at? I seem to have been rambling a little over the last few entires with no photographic evidence. I guess I am thinking of my future and where I think I would like to settle. I used it think it was in London. But now it's up in ther air. I don't know. I really don't. What I do know is that I am increasingly feeling like an alien in my own country. It's nice to discover something new in yourself, but it's a little unnerving and something to try to understand or accept.


- J