Man hole

There is a certainty at times about our lives when we come back from a break away. For me, it was the certainty that I wanted to live in Beijing. On the same week I came back, I came to like, someone I have known for a few months. Sparing the details of this someone and what small things transpired after, I have had a shitty week. Suffice to say that she knows I have taken interest and with that, telling me of her uncertainty. So I left it open.

I am a person who doesn’t hang on to people if they are not mutually interested. I lose interest quickly. Because it’s a waste of energy.

As grounded as I was in mind and heart to be somewhere else, I was suddenly anchored here by having feelings for someone. Being open to someone leaves the capacity of being hurt in such minute ways. It surprises and confuses us. Even more surprising me was that it confused me at a time when I was certain of my priorities. Not that these have diminished in any sense. What I mean is that in times of our own confidence and assurance of ourselves, our goals and desires, one person who you leave yourself open to has the capacity to do some damage. In respect to this person, as far as I can tell, she did not mean to hurt me, but has done so nonetheless.

With some good friends who will ground me with ears, advice and care, I am lucky to have such a family.

Later this week I go to Lodz for the Cinematography festival. She will be there too. In fact, she will be on the same flight. I suspect in this present state or giving up, I will have turned the new page by the time I get to the airport. I don’t stick around.

Poland was an eye opener last year where I fell in love with both the country and a girl. It was a wonderful time. And despite these past few days being a struggle, I know I will make the most out of the trip ahead and not let this anchor drag or hold me down. Life is short and, for the most part given the freedom and opportunity is- what you make it.

Last word about good friends. A joke…

A man falls into a manhole. He calls for help. A Rabbi walks by and gives him a prayer and walks on. The man calls for help once more. This time a priest walks by and throws him the bible and walks on. The man calls for help once again. This time his friend Joe jumps in the hole. The man says, ‘What are you doing down here? Now we’re both stuck!’, and Joe says, ‘Don’t worry, I have been here before, and I know the way out’.

- J