I Am Jack's Empty Stomach

I started this blog as a somewhat answer to not emailing the same thing to friends of news of when i was travelling. What i didn't expect was it to slowly evolve into ever more personal views about life and my own personal life. What can I say? Anyone who knows of it i trust and anybody i don't know, well, it doesn't have much relevance to consequences as i don't write hateful things or instructions on how to make explosives from household goods. Only because i don't know how to. I can tell you how to make a good rocket and tomato salad but i will leave that for another time. All good things...

Three words, 'I- miss- you'. Dare i say, i am fortunate enough to have it written to me many times from friend or lover in some form or other. But when it's from someone 'special', it takes on a different meaning. We all know this. Another thing occurs when we ourselves say it and feel it. It's something I personally haven't felt for quite a while. But I feel it these days for someone. I can't seem to concentrate. When I am with my friends I wish they were there. In fact, i wish they were there all the time.

I'm not a person who misses people easily. I miss my friends who live abroad but it's a different kind of missing. Not the kind that makes you feel like you're naked. Not the kind that's ever present in your mind. Not the kind that distracts you to such a degree that you find it difficult to think about anything else.

Life is short. I have been deliberating about whether or not i should spend more time with this person i miss so dearly. We don't want to be hurt. But then, we want to enjoy life and be happy at times, we just don't want to have the consequences that come with it at times. But unlike taking E, we can change our perspective on the whole thing. We can only feel hurt by our ego. Lets work on that. Lets take that out of the equation if we try, we can. Or as the little green master Jedi Knight says, 'Do or do not, there is no try'. I think perhaps Nike should use that instead of, 'Just Do It'. Or maybe have that scene in Episode 2 where Yoda is jumping about like jumping bean, light sabre in hand, with that old Spike Lee slogan, 'It's the shoes man, it's gotta be the shoes...'. I am drifting off my point... perspective. I came to that why should not one enjoy themselves; enjoy the company of others without the reprisal of feeling ejected afterwards. Live. And don't regret. Make good choices. Eat your greens. Sometimes we just have to enjoy the moment for what it is, not because we are investing in a future. Things can be now and now they are. And don't regret 'nothing' came of it because when you’re in that moment that is it that is what came of it. Lose the ego: Life is short.

It reminds of yet another quote from a film, The Hours. Meryl Streep is talking of her relationship of when she fell in love over 25 years ago and she's lying in bed with her boyfriend (Ed Harris) and she says something to the meaning of, 'It was happiness, though i didn't know it then as i thought it was the start of happiness, but that was it, the moment'.

The drug Ecstasy is named perfectly. The feelings of euphoria are experienced for a time and then there is a comedown, which is pretty horrible.

Happiness, such a it is, fleeting, forgetful of all the bad things in the world and a reminder of all the good, fills us with the sense of well being, the state most of us are trying to attain as a constant. It doesn't really exist. What does is a sense of satisfactory content. I am happy for the people who can attain even this much. And even happier for the people who can be constantly 'happy' though i must attain that they are probably apathetic or ignorant of the world around them. A friend of mine was crying once and i asked her why. She said it wasn't just for me, but all the sadness in the world and all the bad things within it.

Both sadness and happiness can partially be the result of ignorance and/or a lack or perspective. I am not saying this is wrong, but it is what it is.

A computer without a keyboard, a camera without film, an ipod without music; i am Jack's empty stomach. If you ever understood Fight Club, you know what i mean. Perhaps. Maybe. Sort of.

Anyway... I miss her. And actually, despite being distracting, far from it being sad, it's a nice feeling...

- J