The Modern Fables of Aimee Mann

There are rare times when I have small doubts about what decisions I make. I also have a theory that everything is predetermined whatever decision we make so therefore I shouldn’t worry about it because even if I do, that was predetermined too. My scientific philosophy about the path of life will go no further at this point right now. Anyway. I’m going away for a few days tomorrow and though not doing or having any intention of doing something significant, the going away part is significant enough to grant thought. I said I would and then the opportunity arose and then I became conscientious about my own behaviour. Before that regarding this scenario, I was happy doing what I felt like. But there are other people involved so I must be aware of what I say and do. Responsibility wakes up sometimes, when it matters.

Sometimes we are happening. And sometimes, we aren’t quite. And sometimes when we aren’t, we take check of things. And that’s sort of where I am these days. I have a break so I am starting up a few things and getting around to do things I had no time to do before. I take check I do something everyday that I don’t want to miss as something I could have done.

I don’t know what going away will bring and I can justify it as a little ‘break away’ from a ‘break at home’ but the truth is, I am curious about it.

Maybe, as my seemingly constantly bubbling life simmers, I am finding new things to turn up the flame a little. Just a bit. I believe in quietness, not boredom. I like to keep things interesting in some way. Though at times, it brings trouble. All this reminds me of a time I recall like another life…

A number of years ago, the film Magnolia came out at a pinnacle moment in time for 3 people I know including myself and this song, Wise Up (among all) by Aimee Mann (whose songs inspired the making of the film and also provided the soundtrack to) seem to sum up what we were unintentionally doing to seriously mess up our own and others lives at that point in time. So painful was that experience that I couldn’t listen to any of the music I loved that time for many years to come.

“It’s not… what you thought… when you first began it. You got… what you want…. You can hardly stand it though, by now you know it’s not going to stop, it’s not going to stop, it’s not going to stop, till you wise up.”


- J