You are not the fish...

Currently in Jerusalem on the PCRF project. Just prior to that, I was in for a family visit and wedding. I have cousins from my fathers side of the Family who live in Rotterdam, Den Haag, Utretch and my Mother’s side up north in Groningen. Prior to going to see some cousins last January, I hadn’t seen some in nearly 20years. But because of a child/teenage history, we all still get on and they always make me feel absolutely, without a doubt, welcome. Family in London haven’t been like that for years. That is negative admission, and a fact.

One of my cousin’s daughter (they have two, the ones pictured) who I saw last year as a baby (Gai Fei, second pic) has a virus called Encephalitis. It’s a brain flu that can affect motor skills and even cause brain damage. Luckily she looks like she will be okay with the current medication she is having which will cease soon.

Went to stay at my other cousin’s new house in Utretch. And I thought the first place was grand. In their back yard, there is wooden decking, a fish pond, a garden and then a stream (albeit it’s all man made). I was offered to get on a dingy and row along the suburb. Never seen anything like it. And it cost as much as an average one bed flat in London.

After that, went to my cousins in the Groningen’s wedding. Chinese Weddings consists of a few small events before culminating in the main event which is loads of tables in a restaurant with plates of ‘special’ food that you share. Typically you have 10 people a table. One of the first events is the men with the groom have to try to get to see the bride via games that the girls on the bride side have devised. In this case, the best man had to do 50 press ups and drink from a baby’s milk bottle amongst other actions seemingly designed to make a fool of a man and a man, out of a boy. Another ‘event’ is a simple tea ceremony. One of the last events is during the dinner; The bride and grooms immediate family have to go around all the tables and raise their glasses. And as I leant after all these years going to them and never knew, the point of all this is to negotiate how little you have to drink with each table because if you have 15 shots of brandy over the 15 tables, the family will be twated. Apparantly, this can last for 2hrs. But the ones I have been to typically last for 3mins per table and then swiftly moved on. I guess the Cantonese don’t like to drink.

Although most of these customs are still around, they are mostly done by my generation as something to do, not something they believe in, it’s just a tradition. And even some of my parents generation don’t really know all the rules of each tradition. Thus in modern times, they become diluted and almost farce, but never seriously scoffed at. For example, they used to carry the bride in a hand carried carriage, I have never seen that before. They just hire in a Merc or a Jag now. I have been to many as a kid. And now I am going to the ones of my peers.

Seeing all my relatives/family in Holland was great. They are all so very kind and generous despite hardly ever being in contact through most of our adult lives. Over the last 2 visits I have now gotten to know their husbands, wives and now children wheras once was just them as children and teens. Despite being very different in vocation and lifestyle, they still treat me like one of the family. Most of them are fairly traditional and conservative. I reserve judgements about this despite I know many won’t. On that note, it brings me to the fish in the pond at my cousins house which reminds me of an old Chinese story...

It’s the story of the great Sage Huan Zu. One day Huan Zu and a friend were walking along river bank. Huan Zu says, ‘how delightfully the fishes are enjoying themselves in the water’. His friend says, ‘You are not the fish, how do you know the fish are enjoying themselves. Huan Zu says, ‘You are not me, how do you know that I don’t know the fish are enjoying themselves…’.











- J